Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
