White coat. Heels.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
