my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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