The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I need to wash the frat house off of me
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
