She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
