I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
