____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
