He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
