I bet he comes in French.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
