I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
