mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Randomize
