I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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