3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Houston, we have a blender
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
