I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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