Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Randomize
