I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
