I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
We named our party play list daddy issues
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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