After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
