at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
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