I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
