Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
