On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
