Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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