I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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