And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
