i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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