you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
We named our party play list daddy issues
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
