Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
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