I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize