Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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