You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
