When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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