I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
