Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
