No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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