her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
