Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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