theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize