I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
