i just had sex bonerless
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
