I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
