I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
