Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
can u get pink eye on your cock?
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
