I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
