Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
We just shotgunned beers for America
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
