Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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