I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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