i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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