if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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