It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
