Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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