So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
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