where am i from again
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
