So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
