just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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