i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
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