I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
