I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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