I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
