the new term for farting is butt boxing.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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