are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
