I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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