Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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