omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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