its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
