if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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