90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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