sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
